


Stupid Storage Wars

by PeacefulDiscord



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 19:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21166556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeacefulDiscord/pseuds/PeacefulDiscord
Summary: The one where they took Hashirama to a storage unit auction.  They have some regrets.





	Stupid Storage Wars

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying to write another chapter for the fic I already started but then I saw someone watching storage wars and well...

"This one looked promising."

"No."

"But the cool stuff—"

"It's _junk_."

"What about the boxes? It's mysterious!"

"_Mysterious_? I should throw you in the trash, see if you can find a mystery there!" Madara snapped irritably, temper flaring as he violently wrenched his hands through his hair to make a messy ponytail.

"Madaraaaaa! Why are you so mean to me?"

"How much did you even spend on this stupid thing?"

"...."

"Hashirama?"

"Not that much."

"Hashirama."

"A few dollars..."

"_How much_?" Madara seethed, wisps of smoke raising from him. Or maybe that was the heat from the concrete. Tobirama was almost certain he shouldn't be seeing heat. 

"$1000."

"...."

"Madara?"

"Run."

"Now Madara—"

"I will kick you, a thousand times, and then a thousand more as _interest_."

"...does that mean I'm not responsible for the other fees?"

"HASHIRAMA!"

With a shriek, Hashirama darted across the pavement, Madara hot on his heels. 

"This is stupid. Why couldn't they find something more lucrative to waste their time on?" Izuna slouched against Tobirama, only to be shoved onto the ground.

"Tobiiiii—" he whined, hands reaching out pathetically.

“To be fair, Madara was trying to show Anija how brash decisions and gambling causes needless suffering.”

Distantly, they could hear Hashirama screaming for mercy. 

Izuna stared off to where the noise seemed to be coming from. “I think he’s getting the point across. How did he even get Aniki’s wallet?”

Tobirama shrugged, carelessly. "I don’t know. All I know is that it's way too hot for this shit." His skin was itching fiercely, the sunblock he'd lathered on rendered useless from all his sweating. Frustrated, he pulled out his cellphone, dialing the last number he'd called.

"What? Stay _still_, you bastard! You've got 1987 kicks more to go!" 

"_Ouch_! No! Ahhhh! Madara, I'm sorry!" 

"1984! What did you want, snowflake?"

"Tobi! SAVE ME!!"

"I can't hear him! I'll add more if you don't shut up!"

Tobirama pinched the bridge of his nose at the sound of his brother's wailing.

"It's really too hot for this." He muttered. "Listen, I'm leaving."

Madara snorted. "A little sun—" his voice broke off. “Shit, wait, I’m coming. Don’t go anywhere.”

“Madara—“

“Don’t argue! I’ll kick your brother more!”

“NO! WAIT-!“ Hashirama screeched in the background.

“Madara! That’s not a—!“

The phone call ended. By the time Tobirama was done glaring at his phone (Madara was going to _regret_ hanging up on him. And no, it wasn’t for nearly as long as Izuna would claim, the other man was a compulsive liar, that much was _fact_), the man was rounding the corner, striding aggressively towards them.

All that anger couldn’t possibly be good for him, Tobirama thought idly, mind searching for suitable punishments that had the side benefit of lowering Madara’s blood pressure.

“I should get him a stress ball or something, damn,” Izuna muttered, eyeing his brother in concern. “That much anger can’t be good for anyone.”

Tobirama hummed his agreement. Maybe Izuna could help him.

"Why the fuck didn't you say something sooner? Are you wearing your sunblock?" Madara demanded, flocking to Tobirama, hands fluttering worriedly. 

"I tried, you guys weren't listening. And I did, I've been putting more on almost every half hour we've been here. _Would you stop that?!_ It's just too hot."

Madara had resorted to pouring water from his water bottle into his hand and patting at Tobirama’s face and arms.

"No! You look like a fucking fire hydrant right now. Izuna—"

"Don't look at me! He's holding _my_ umbrella over his head. I've done my brother-in-law duties."

Pausing his splashing, Madara slapped his brother upside the head with a scowl. “I was going to ask if you wanted to go home, too, but if you’re going to be like that, I’ll just leave you with that idiot.”

Ironically enough, Hashirama was shuffling closer at the same time, pout so pronounced that the air around him seemed depressed. Upon seeing Tobirama’s inflamed skin, he rushed over with a panicked sob.

“Otouto! You’re burnt! Madara! What did you do!”

Grabbing Madara mid-splutter, Tobirama dragged the older man to their car, ignoring the other two men who hurried behind them.

“Oh god, Aniki no. Don’t leave me with this idiot. Tobirama, tell Aniki how great of a friend I am. Don’t leave me.”

“Wait! The storage unit!” Hashirama protested.

“Oh for the—“ Madara pulled Tobirama to a stop. “One moment, koibito.”

Stomping over to his friend, Madara yanked Hashirama back to the container. Pushing the taller man inside, Madara slammed the unit closed, stomping back to Tobirama.

“Let’s go, shall we?”

————————————————

“Do you think he realized the unit’s not locked?” Izuna asked around a mouthful of ice-cream.

“Probably not,” Tobirama sighed, long-suffering. In the shade of the trees, his skin calmed to a less worrisome pink, though it was patched with sunburns that stung in the water. Still, it was the lesser of the two evils and Tobirama let himself sink deeper, eyes closing as he basked in the cool relief.

Until he realized that his idiot brother probably thought he _was_ stuck in the container.

“Damn it! Madara, get the keys!”

————————————————

Hashirama sat outside the container bawling. Even though his own house was maybe ten minutes away, walking.

They’d been gone for the better part of an hour. How the hell was Tobirama related to this man?

“I can’t believe you guys left me!”

“I should’ve locked the door.”

“Madaraaaaa— Ow! No! No more kicking!”

”1999! 1998! 199-!” 

————————————————

“So what did you learn today?”

“Don’t be rude.”

“Or else?”

“....you’ll put me in time out.”

“And what happens when you’re in time out?”

“You’ll give away all the sweets.”

The despair in his voice was delicious. “And how can you get them back?”

“By not having been rude by the next time we go shopping.”

“Good boy.”

Tobirama praised, peering over his book to where he’d handcuffed Madara to their bed with a grin, much to the man’s ire. “Uh oh, that’s a rather rude way to look at someone, Dara.”

The older man quickly stopped glowering, settling for a sad pout. Oh yes, Tobirama thought gleefully, Madara’s blood pressure was going to be well under control.

**Author's Note:**

> See Madara? This is why violence is not the answer. 
> 
> Also, too many italics? Yay or nay? I’m too expressionate a person and could do with advice on how to transmit that in my writing in other ways pleeeaase
> 
> I’m a plant, your feedback is the sun :)


End file.
